New direction....and

(Wizard people,) Dear Reader,

It's been a long time, and things have changed. But they haven't changed that much. I may have a good use for the blog url now.... I was trying to anticipate that when I chose it.

It is October, 2011. I'm living in Urbana, Illinois, and I've found two jobs. It seems a bit of a feat, given the times, and I'm thankful that I don't have to stress about money. But, as is the trend with me, it came after applying and failing to get more specialized and challenging work. Mega sad.

In any case, one of my jo(r)bs now is at an adult store, boutique, porn shop, or whatever name you'd like to call it.

I keep finding that I want to talk about it with people. There are so many stories, questions, and images this brings up. So, I'm going to do my best to share...but keep things anonymous and respectful.

***However... if anything seems too direct, descriptive, or if you read anything that seems to give away someone's identity, perhaps you, dear reader, would comment about it, or message me.

In any case, I begin.

Last night, I worked my first solo shift. It was 8pm to midnight, and it was Sunday.

First, I should explain a bit about where I work. It's a shop, but it also has viewing booths (solo only, plz) in the back. It has lots of DVDs and mags, compared to other shops I've been to before, but it also has a decent amount of toys (more than the other sections combined, in terms of space). It is under the management of a larger group, based in Chicago, that owns stores all over the midwest. It has no expressed political, educational, or sex positive motives. It is about meeting sales goals, set by "corporate." 


So, that all means a lot of stuff for how the store is run - mostly that decisions that affect our day-to-day operations are made by people who have very little to do with our day-to-day. Frustrating. And also, I feel it carries the effect of stifling any creativity our manager may have. So, I don't know how she'd feel if I had any creative ideas, too.

But on to last night...
I got there, and it had been slow up to that point. I wasn't expecting much business. The guy working the shift before mine said "good luck, I wouldn't be surprised if you did better than me on sales...it was DEAD tonight." Perhaps I should have read that differently, but I thought he was saying it would be slow...oh, was I wrong...

Not like anything super nutso happened...but it was my first shift there alone, and it was Sunday night...anything coulda happened.

Notes I took:
TREND: Guys keep keys out, in hand jangling
A lot of couples came in, and I noticed the guys looking pretty uncomfortable. The reason I say this is: they had their keys in their hands. It wasn't just once, it was multiple people! I've never noticed this phenomenon before. Maybe it's something people do when they go somewhere they're uncomfortable (or uncomfortable with that part of themselves). The way I see it, you hold on to your keys to remind yourself that you will be leaving. But maybe it also keeps you from looking as long, as deep, or as hard, as you might, if left to your own devices. (lol...that just came out, whoops!)

Seriously...I'm trying my darndest to provide service in an unintimidating way. I want to be knowledgeable, be able to provide knowledgeable answers, or point people to answers if I don't have them. I want people to feel comfortable, but even getting through the doors is such a hurdle for some, it's a lot for me to be asking. I can tell, already, that some customers appreciated my approach to service in that store, and that makes me feel nice. I want to take those experiences away. But it's also interesting to experience just how people's discomforts manifest in such an environment. Wow.

THE Mannequin Display
Oh, speaking of quirky things, we have a new display up for the holidays (the Hallow's Eve, that is)! Of course, it wouldn't be complete without the standard movie porn parodies, of which we have...Halloween (the first one), Scream, Alice in Wonderland (titled "Malice in LalaLand, if I'm not mistaken), as well as a compilation of porn versions of older monster movies (Frankenstein, the Creature from the Black Lagoon, Dracula - that's gotta be fun, if you're into that). We also have little themed "scene" displays, like nurse/patient/medical stuff on one shelf, sexy maid stuff one another, hentai on another, and so on.
But the best one, or the one I think is most fun (and maybe also the least intimidating, because it doesn't involve porn...and also just seems so distant from the reality of its use) is our spider web bed frame bondage set, hung on the wall, binding a Britney Spears blowup doll ("It's Britney, bitch!"), sporting a blindfold and a see-through lingerie g-string and drapey-top-thing set....

Just imagine it for a second.

But to do that, first you'll have to imagine this blow-up doll actually looks nothing like Britney Spears. This is not a nice, realistic one. It looks like plastic. Its curves reflect the limitations of its material. The limbs aren't very round - more tear-drop-shaped, because the seam doesn't inflate as smoothly as the rest. There are no 3-dimensional facial features - but that doesn't matter, they're covered by the blindfold (except, of course, the "mouth").
All in all, one of the most ridiculous things I've ever seen. And I get to work under, next to, in front of it all the time. At least it's Britney. lol

$20 Man
The final thing that I have to add to this post is the story of a man. Here, I will write, verbatim, the quote as it came to my mind, and out of my mouth, while I jotted it down right before I passed out that night.
"No lie, a man who straight-up looked like a wizard came into the porno shop tonight. Complete with Nikes & a beanie from some light beer company"
And that is what happened.

If he hadn't been wearing the Nikes and some headband (it wasn't actually a beanie cap, it was an upside down headband) with something like..."Mountain Light" or "Midwest Light" or one of those water-beer names on it, I'd have thought to myself "now, here, is an urban wizard!"
I didn't know they existed.
But I guess that's the thing...if they exist, they might just show up in the porno shop someday.

To finish out the story, I owe you a description of his presence and what transpired.
When he walked in, my first reactions were "he looks really cool" and "he looks out of place." He was wearing a black hooded cloak that went to his calves or ankles. It was kind of tight (dimensionally, but it was also really cool). He had a leather belt. On it was a knife. A small one. Switchblade. Nothing special. And I never, at any point, had the impression he was thinking of weilding it. (Thank goodness! - I have yet to have a violent outbreak from a customer, but I'm told it'll happen sooner or later. *Gulp*)

Looking up from the belt, you'll see many a necklace, with amulets and pouches that adorn his chest. The most prominent was the skull of something kind of large - perhaps a deer. It had been cut, so it was only the top layer of the bones, the plane of the face you would see if you looked head-on. It was attached to a leather pouch, and then grey stones with fake rubies for pupils had been affixed in the eye sockets. (Please stop yourselves, dear readers, if you imagine this looking intimidating. It was clearly home-made. perhaps the pouch was not, as it looked very cool. If the eye sockets were empty, it would have been mighty cool. But it looked a bit silly (almost in the way a pug's eyeballs go in different directions.) Another amulet was a green stone background with a metal scarab beetle on it. This looked pretty cool, thought slightly out of place in the 21st century.

As you follow this hand-full of chains up his chest to his shoulders, you will find a very attractive collar. It, too, seems to be taking a note from ancient Egyptian aesthetics. It is a fan-like collar made of wire, threaded with miniature multicolored beads. Impressive. This was my favorite part of his outfit, and with the cloak, it was actually pretty neat.

Again, you can't fixate on this detail without being led upward by another feature - a bush of tangled grey hairs hanging from his chin. This man has not shaved in years. The beard only adds to the allure he exudes. measuring in at what must be 4 inches, or so, in length, it is quite a force. parts had a bit of a yellowish tint to them - I imagine from tobacco. And framed by this bush was his mouth...
I don't need to relay it, but suffice it to say, I saw no pearly-whites in his mouth. I don't believe anything in there was white anymore.

When he approached me, I didn't know what to expect. But it became apparent, after a few moments, that he was not looking for anything. Not a thing, so much as a conversation. He wanted to talk, and so I listened. I listened, dear readers, because I knew not what else to do. The man had a knife, but he also had been drinking. He'd probably been drinking for years, come to think of it. It was a Sunday night, my first night alone, and I didn't want any trouble.

So I listened.
He told me about the bar he'd been at (one of the two gay bars in town), and how the bartender had mixed him a drink called a Klingon. He said it made people fight. He told me about fighting...breaking up fights, ending fights (with big knives). He told me he was still feeling it, and he needed to get off the street for a while so he could sober up and get on his way. He also told me many things I can't remember, to be honest. Our brains were working with two different notions of what made 'sense.'

A few people came in and left the store during this conversation. It must have lasted 20 minutes or so. I left our conversation for the fourth time, or so, to help another customer, and when I returned I asked, for the second time, "can I get you anything, buddy?" After fiddling with his wallet (another one of the pouches hanging from his neck), he pulled out a 20 and asked for (not $3 or $5, as most customers do, but) $20 in tokens for the arcade. If you figure that each token gets about 1.5 minutes, and there are 4 tokens to a dollar, just like quarters, then you're looking at almost 2 hours of arcade time. I don't think he left before I did.... Maybe he just wanted a nap. My boss told me people do that, especially when it's colder.
(why do people think they can take advantage of us just because we're the porno shop? Is that a rhetorical question? It wasn't intended to be.)

I thought the magician was going to be on his way after a brief respite, but he actually wanted some of our services. It was quite the surprise. Maybe I just thought he would be different...


In any case, I'll have plenty more to talk about. This was the beginning of a journey. I have a long way to go before I feel remotely comfortable in this position. (Man...once you work in an adult store, everything seems to have a sexual pun - if it didn't already, which may be why one works at an adult store to begin with...). Does the person choose the profession, or the profession the person?

Two Final Things:
1. When I say porno shop, that's done tongue-in-cheek (if I'm using that phrase correctly). It's a joke. Nearly every time I've mentioned my job to someone, they've referred to it as the "porn store," "porno shop," or something of the sort. They've been aghast, amused, confounded, surprised to learn that a "guy-like-me" works at a "place-like-that." I've told my mom, her boyfriend, my brother, many friends, and coworkers at my other jobs. My father doesn't know...I'll write an article about telling the parents, someday. That should be a blast.
Anyway, my point is: around here, "adult boutique" means almost nothing to people. It may say those words on the building, but in people's minds, it's the porno shop - the place where people go to jack off, "and lord-av-mercy if you have to clean up after them!" (I don't.) I don't know what else to do but what feels right, but, for now, that has little to do with what people call it. It's more about how they feel about it. And that, I hope to change.

2. To sign off, dear readers, I will leave you with a quote. It's hand-picked from some recent reading (Whip Smart, by Melissa Febos). This is one of the first times that I've read a book and the opening quote meant something to me. It was visceral. I knew the book would be good from that moment. I hadn't even started the story (though I had an inkling it would be interesting, being based on exploits as a forme professional dominatrix and all). The words were not even this author's. And here are those words:

"I am human, let nothing human be foreign to me." - Montaigne

I don't know who this Montaigne is. I have to look that up - something I'll admit to being terrible about. And perhaps this is a common quote, one you are surprised I hadn't heard or read before. But honestly, I don't care. When something hits you, it's the right moment. I've found that from my life, over and over. It happens a lot with music. I think: "Oh, man! I wish I'd found this sooner," when I find an album months or years after the hype has passed. But, perhaps I wouldn't have been ready if I did. Perhaps it wouldn't hit as hard, or leave the same mark. Being wrapped up in the buzz keeps me from enjoying things on my own terms, and there's a lot to be lost from missing that.

If I think back on my life (I hope you'll allow me this indulgence), this quote sums up much of my pursuits to this day. I try to keep things like "do one thing each day that scares you" in my mind frequently, so that I may experience more out of life. So that I may keep my brain active, always taking on new challenges, and rewiring for new information.

This quote, like no other, suggests the life track that I'm after. I'm not saying I want to live fast and die young, but I want to live a life that pushes my boundaries. Because it is in those moments that I realize I am strong, adaptable, lovable.

The question is, how hard do I push?