Learning and unlearning

After two posts of breaking the ice, so to speak, I'm going to try and tone it down - one subject per post, under 300 words. Hope it helps in keeping up. I guess I just have so much to say cause I'm quiet and processing most of the time.

This week, I purchased my first toy with my discount. I actually got a few things. Then I got some free things!!! (my favorite kind of things.)

I suppose by now I'm fairly comfortable with my body and (the ideas of) my desires. (Sometimes my actual desires make me nervous.) But that's after years of not knowing shit. Or...not knowing the things I wanted to know. It's always a struggle to understand this mystery called "Reed" better.

There are things I expected to come up against with a job at an adult boutique. Being regularly surrounded by 3.5 walls of plastic body parts and and other toys inspired by them can't leave you unchanged. That was my starting hypothesis, so to speak.

I must say, just being around sex objects has become much more normal. Dildos and other toys are now parts of my visual repertoire. They come up in my thoughts frequently, and without the same kind of ignorant nervousness as before.

Talking to strangers about their needs in sex toys has become relatively more comfortable than it was a month ago. I've always been prudish in talking about sexual subjects. At best, I revert to a very scientific and detached language. I suppose being direct and effective with customers requires that I drop that for more common language. I have to pretend (for now) to be comfortable with talking about sex - who'd have thought??? I guess all kinds of people can get into working at adult stores...and some of them may be a bit nervous.

In the interest of space, I'll talk more about (my) toys later. But, the last applicable thought I had to this stream was: how does one get comfortable with sexuality? Do you, readers, have any ideas? I'd definitely love to hear them.

I thought that working at a place serving sexual appetites would help me to understand my own better, simply through osmosis, I suppose. But I suppose that's like expecting that working at a grocery store would help one understand their body's need for food, and what kinds of food they like. That is a logic I would like to see widespread. It certainly exists in food co-op spaces. And I think certain adult stores encourage their employees to explore their desires, needs, pleasure centers, bodies, fantasies, etc.

I don't work in one of those. Corporate shit is cock-blocking me from understanding myself.